My EM essay on 26th June 2007...

I found one essay that i wrote last year in EM when i was tidying my cupboard. Well, this was an essay that i simply wrote in EM tuition centre last year. It was about organisation of events into a plot, don't really remember the title though... Just wanna share will all of you.. hahax... By the way, this essay is just an essay, nothing to do with the real world or whatever you may think of... Hehe...

My lame essay:

Steven was walking home with his briefcase held under left armpit and a letter in his hand. It was a dark night with only a bright moon shining above his head.
He was holding a rusty set of keys as he was opening the door. Exhausted Steven opened the door with whatever strength he had got after the stressful day at work. He put aside the dark brown briefcase and sat on his bed trying to open the letter he got in his office.
It was from Brednie. Steven froze. They were just fine yesterday. Steven quickly opened the envelope and read. He read that Brednie was going to get married to his colleague, Jeison, the next day. Steven was stunned. For all the years they'vd been dating together it ended up with only a piece of A4 foolscap paper daubed with blue inked words.
Tears from Steven's eyes started to drip down. Steven put his right palm on the heart, feeling as though heart were being pierced by a sword. Later, Steven stood up. Walking towards the desk beside his cold bed, he pulled out the drawer. The smell of Brednie's perfume emanated from a scarf of hers.
He stretched his hand towards the scarf. Grabbing it towards his face, he sniffed it like a dog, to renew his memory when he was with Brednie.
He was sobbing like a child, needing help. With all the strength he had left, he walked slowly towards the window. Steven was struggling with the conflict inside himself; he couldn't solve it. It was too hard to control the pain in his heart.
Steven screamed with all his might, looking at the lights of his neighbours' houses being switched on one by one. There was no other way. He opened the window and jumped. There was a ghastly thud, a spurt of blood and finally all that was left to view was the distorted frame of a corpse that marred the beauty of the surroundings.


Teacher's comment was:
A fairly good comical piece of writing. But could you be more creative but rack up more events for your story?

Hehehe... Somehow, i went tuition there was just for fun~~ So~~ not concentrating on my work, that's why my products are so bad and lame~
Only got 53% overall...

=.=