An expression of mine when i was inside the camp

This is only my expression and my feeling that i had written when i was in National Service camp...
This is what i felt and what happened inside the camp~
Nothing much because we didn't get along, we still don't even know each other... which means i am very weak in knowing others...
Please don't question anything about this, but this passage is only for sharing~


" How can i talk to you like a normal friend?
Everytime i feel like i want to take a glance at your face, I was embarrassed...
Standing in front of you face to face was like burning my little blood pumper- my heart...
My mind was thinking about the words that were supposed to be given out, but my mouth was glued. My voice was muted. Those lyrics on my mind were being drained away by a strong current... I was stunned. Standing like a bamboo without any movement. Later, my legs were geared automatically. I walked away, looking at my feet, wanting to take over the control room to stop myself down. They were unstoppable. Why? I was shy... Am i?
A friend of mine was standing beside, laughing at the useless me...

I thought of... but i overheard that i was being said to be an annoying person. I was puzzled. I was lost. I kept on recall things that i did to make myself being judged as annoying... My heart was like sitting in a room of darkness, with the freezing wind breezing at me, slowly...
I was shivering hard, shrinking as if i were about to die frozen. I was iced. Changing my mind, i tried to think positively. Bringing out the blazing energy within me, melting the ice that had paralyzed me for a long time which kept me from my daily activities.
Cool water droplets were dripping down consistantly, freeing my body parts. I was able to move.

But what should i do? What could i do?

I just wanted to be a normal friend. But how? How can i just sit there, looking at your elegant smile, doing nothing.
I felt indescribably when i saw the tremendous smile, it was shaking my planet... My eyes were caught by the long, silky black hair of yours which splits into two like a river flowing downwards from your forehead... The turning of your head flings your pony tail gently and perfectly as if you were going to give of the scent from your planet from far...
My little blood pumper was active, working over hardworking that i can't even stop it! Until then, my legs were being refrigerator...
My eyes were swinging like a pendulum- left to right, right to left- i wanted to look at you, but i just can't, wanted to talk to you, my throat was giving me a grunt, wanted to approach you, but my body was hooked onto the bench, sweating like i were sitting under the blazing sun...
How? Any first step?

Were there any presence of "ROUND SHIT"? No, i don't think so~

Why do i have to have this feeling when my eyes first struck you?
I wanted to talk to you... I felt like I were lying down on the floor, like a defeated warrior, thinking of lifting up my arm, but i can hardly move my muscles. My cells were dead. My powers was flat... I was 'low-batt'...

Whenever there is an event, my eyes always scan through the place like a CCTV, sweeping the whole room, just want to locate your position, for you didn't install "GPS" of mine... scanning the room... scanning~
Once i had my target locked on, my mind kept on telling me to look at you, to record the every movements of yours... But a look wasn't enough. The desperation was pulling my head towards the certain location at the mean time~
Your beauty, shall i admire...
To know your name, it was my privilege... Praise the LORD!
To meet you, was His plan... Amen!
But to know you, it is my hard work, my initiative is needed to take the first step of knowing you more...

Not much expectation,
lets just be normal friends.
So we will not feel embarrassing...

I have to admit that,
you are gorgeous, slim, pretty and with a mature look...
However, the way you speak is totally different from your look...
Your body is weak... mild training makes you sick...
You should have look after yourself more than anything...
Anyway, meeting you in national service camp, i've considered myself LUCKY~

Because you are a Legacy
as cool as a Viper
as elegant as a Falcon "


Of all that i've felt, i have to conclude with this-
I just felt like you are not the one...
For you are not a Christian, and you had treated me as cold as treating a rock...
Therefore, i shall not be sad over you, for you are not the one in His plan!